Veteran, carpenter, coder, student, asshole.
Just finished doing basic maintenance under the hood of my car. I forgot how awesome it feels to be independent and able to do shit that most people pay other people to do. I will live in the mountains away from people one day.
I’m going to start writing erotic comedies and selling them on amazon. So many awkward experiences I might as well profit from them.
Title ideas: “Small Talk Isn’t Dirty Talk,” “The Girl I Couldn’t Turn Over: a Tale of Enormous Magnitude,” “‘Sometimes I Can’t’ and Other Daily Meditations,” “The Sewer Next to the Playground,” “How’d I Get So Serious?” and “Is It Whiskey Dick or Your Face: a Mystery.”
I was a cop in the military for six years. I’ve been shot at, baseball bats swung at me, knives pulled on me, and one time a sword. I’ve fought wife beaters, drug dealers, and various other criminals. I’ve been trained in advanced survival, hand to hand, and marksmanship techniques. I am certified to teach self defense to civilians and police.
And yet the bane of my existence is five feet tall and wears flowers in her hair. Gay.